What was I thinking?

Nothing was sticking out at all in my reading today (my own fault). Then when this verse did stick out I really wished it hadn't. This really wasn't the typical, pleasant way a verse "sticks out", it was more like the way a sword sticks out...

Ezekiel 20:32
You say, "We want to be like the nations, like the peoples of the world, who serve wood and stone." But what you have in mind will never happen.

So now the reason it was so poignant; this verse is me. I recall a time when I was about eight years old- I done something "naughty" and had been sent to my room. The rest of the family was downstairs, sharing a dessert together and having a good time. I was upset! I thought they might feel bad if I started crying - most other kids my age wouldn't have moral qualms about doing this. They would probably think that they had been unjustly punished. I knew I deserved to be sent to my room. But because I felt like it would be acceptable for any of my peers I started crying. I used the excuse of being like the rest of the world. Too many times throughout my life I have wished to be like the "people of the world" in some way. Whether that be ethically or intellectually or any other odd assortment of ways. I have wished that I could just not know so much about right and wrong and motives, because then, perhaps, I could be just an ordinary person, and so many more things would be excusable then, things I have wanted to do. Of course I am not really like this now, I mean, there are times when wisdom is still painful, but I know that I would rather follow God than any other alternative. The path is so much harder - don't let prosperity preachers fool you into thinking that being a Christian is all blessings and happiness - because it is also trials and resisting temptation, and going the extra mile- it is self-sacrifice and self-surrender. And I guess, somewhere deep down, I always knew that what I had in mind would never happen- that God would not just let me throw away my morals on a whim. Good thing God knows what He's doing, because I sure don't.