Today was an interesting day, good, just a little different. If I could I think I'd enjoy starting all my days off in a similar fashion. My alarm goes off at 7:45 for prayer around 8:10 (in our chaplain's office, pretty addicted now). I turned off that silly alarm- I hadn't been planning on going, but for whatever reason I was awake, and when you are truly awake there is no going back to sleep. So I got up and went. Prayer was splendid. It's kind of weird for me, you see, everyone (about 7 of us) prays out loud, at the same time for whatever request. It's so noisy, it's cool to listen- but we all seem to say the same thing... Why? Is God not dynamic enough or are we not near enough to Him, or is that just what happens at a small, liberal arts Christian college? I don't like adding my voice to all the noise, so I kind of whisper my prayers, at times I feel so unspiritual, but my relationship with God isn't always something I like to broadcast- oh, I don't know...
I had an intriguing thought last night, I was thinking about all the problems of the world, all the pains of a human heart, and I know what they all stem from- a lack of intimacy with God. If we would just draw nearer to Love all of the evil and hate would fade away, for things such as those can never conquer Love. So why aren't we advocating for intimacy with God? Well, I guess it isn't really something you campaign for, it's more something to pray for and inspire towards.
One more thing, last night a friend said something to me--- he always makes me re-examine life as I know it (how he achieves this I am virtually clueless, because this is a rare happening)--- this is what he said: "There are no tough women, only bitter ones." I don't know if I agree, but I can certainly see some reasons why he said that. It reminds me of a longing deep within my soul, which I sometimes wonder if God placed there...
Anyways, back to my morning- I come back from prayer and dig into my Bible, actually just flip it open. I was going to finish up Ezekiel or read some of John, but instead I opened right up to Jonah. It was a good book to re-read. The part that always gets me is at the end, when Jonah is sitting under the shade of a vine that God made grow to give Jonah respite from the scorching sun (he was sitting here waiting to see if God would destroy Nineveh), and how angry Jonah was when God provided a worm who chewed up the vine and he had no shade. Jonah was so concerned about himself, his own comfort, I mean here is this prophet sitting back to wait for the destruction of a giant city they just preached to, like he's at an Imax theatre or something! What nerve. But I guess, if I really thought about it, I can be like that too, happy when God shows me mercy and forgiveness, but sometimes I don't want to see others receive it. I mean, sure of course, deep down I really do, or maybe superficially I do and the selfishness is deep down, but in any case, we've all been like that once or twice. It was just weird to me that Jonah got so irritated with God's compassion on the sinful, but contrite city of Nineveh. That's the part we never hear in Sunday school.
My blog was more of a journal today, sorry, this really isn't the blog for that, but I've had so much on my mind lately, and God has been teaching me so much, and I just feel selfish when I want to share it all with someone, so if you read this, it isn't like I forced it on you, y'know?
I like this question God poses in Jonah 4:4
But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"
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